竞选州长 Running for Governor（第1页）

竞选州长Runningfovernor

马克·吐温MarkT>

&hsagoIwasnominatedfreatstateofaiL。woodfordandJohn7。Hoffman，oiehowfeltthatIhadoageehatwas—goodcharacter。Itwaseasytoseebytheifevertheyhadknoastoodimehadgolainthatieryearstheyhadbeiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes。ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyingiherewasamuddyuofdisfort&qu"thedeepsofmyhappihatwas—thehavingtohearmynamebainfamiliarwiththoseofsuchpeople。Igrewmoreaurbed。FinallyIwrotemygrait。Heranswercamequidsharp。Shesaid:Youhaveneverdohinginallyourlifetobeashamedof—theneers—lookatthemasortofcharactersMessrs。SmithandBlahenseeifytoloweryourselftotheirlevelaerapublivasswiththem。

Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleepasinight。But，afterall，Iotrecede。

Iwasfullyitted，andmustgoo。

AsIwaslookinglistlesslyoverthepapersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisparagraph，andImaytrulysayIneverwassodedbefore。

PERJURY。—Perhaps，nowthatMr。MarkTwaihepeopleasadidatefovernor，hewilldtoexplaiobevictedofperjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak，1863，theiofwhichperjurybeingtorobapoornativewidowandherhelplessfamilyofameagerplantainpatch，theironlystayandsupportiaion。

Mr。Twaiohimself，aswellastothegreatpeoplewhesheasks，toclearthismatterup。Willhedoit?

IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel，heartlesscharge!IneverhadseeneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn'tknoatakangaroo!Ididnotknowwhattodo。Iwasdhelpless。Iletthedayslipawaywithoutdoinganythingatall。Themthesamepaperhadhis—nothingmore:

SIGNIFIT。—Mr。Twain，itwillbeobserved，issuggestivelysilentabouttheaperjury。

[Mem。—Durihethispaperomeihanas"theiwain"。]

&he"Gazette"，withthis:

&OKNOW—Willthenewdidatefoofhisfellow-swhoaresufferingtovoteforhim!thelittleceofhis-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime，untilatlast，thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr。Twain'spersonorinhis"trunk"（neerherolledhistrapsipelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood，andsotarredaheredhim，androdehimonarail;andtheoleaveapermavatheplaceheusuallyothecamp。Willhedothis?

ythingbemoredeliberatelymalithat?ForIneverwasinMontanainmylife。

&hisjournalarilyspokeofmeas，"Twaia;]

Igottopiguppapersapprehensively—muewouldliftadesiredblawhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattles。

&hismetmyeye:

THELIEheswornaffidavitsofMichaelO'FlaheFivePoints，andMr。KitBurnsandMr。JoherStreet，itisestablishedthatMr。MarkTwain'svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofoura。Hoffman，washangedfhwayrobbery，isabrutalandgratuitousLIE，withoutashadowoffoundationinfact。Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeaoachievepoliticalsuccessastheattagofthedeadintheirgraves，aheirhohslahinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheiivesahedeceased，wearealmostdriventoiragedandinsultedpubliaryandunlawfulvehetraduo!Letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedce（thoughifpassionshouldgetthebetterofthepubliitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury，itisbuttooobviousthatnojuryvioishtheperpetratorsofthedeed）。

Theingeniousgseheeffeeoutofbedwithdespatight，andoutatthebackdooralso，whilethe&quedandinsultedpublic&quediway，breakingfurnitureandwindowsieousindignationastheydtakingoffsuchpropertyastheycouldtheyweIlaymyhandupontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedan'sgrandfather。More-Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimuptothatdayanddate。

[Iassing，thatthejouredfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas"Twain，theBody-S;]

&iclethatattractedmyattentionwasthefollowing:

&DIDATE。—Mr。MarkTastomakesuchablightihemass-meetingoftheInight，didn'te!Atelegramfromhisphysistatedthathehadbeenknobyarunawayteam，andhislegbrokenintwoplaces—suffererlyiagony，andsoforth，andsoforth，andalotmoreboshofthesamesort。AndtheIriedhardtosretchedsubterfuge，aheydidnotknoastherealreasonoftheabseheabaurewhomtheydeandard-bearer。AmaoreelintoMr。Twain'shotellastnightilyintoxi。ItistheimperativedutyoftheIoprovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself。Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmits。Thevoiceofthepeopledemandsio;WHOWASTHATMAN?"

Itwasielyincredible，foramoment，thatitwasreallymyledwiththisdisgracefulsuspi。Threelongyearshadpassedovermyheadsiastedale，beer，wineorliquororanykind。

[ItshowswhateffectthetimeswerehavingohatIsawmyself，tlydubbed"Mr。DeliriumTremensTwain"iissueofthatjournalang—notwithstandiwithmonotohepaperwouldgoongmesototheveryend。]

Bythistimeanoersweregettingtobeanimportantpartofmymailmatter。Thisformwason:

Howaboutthatoldwomanyoukiiseswhichwasbeing?

POL。PRY。

Andthis:

&hingswhichyouhavedonewhibeknowntoanybodybutme。Youbettertrotoutafewdots，toyourstruly，oryou'llhearthroughthepapersfrom。

HANDYANDY。

Thisisabouttheidea。Itihereaderwassurfeited，ifdesirable。

ShortlytheprincipalRepublial"vieofwholesalebribery，andtheleadiicpaper";anaggravatedailingtome。

[InthiswayIacquiredtwoadditio;Twaihyist"and"TwaihsomeEmbracer"。]

Bythistimetherehadgrowntobesuchaclamorforan"aoallthedreadfulchargesthatwerelaidtomethattheeditorsandleadersofmypartysaiditwouldbepolitiformetoremaianylonger。Asiftomaketheirappealthemoreimperative，thefolloearedihepaperstheveryday: