双重悲伤 Double Sadness（第1页）
双重悲伤DoubleSadness
玛莎·鲁塞尔·徐MarthaRussellHsu
“IkeepwaboutMartha，”mymothersaidaswesatialcformyfathertobeexamior。“Weleftherplayingintheyardanddidn’ttellhereregoing。Ihopeshe’snotsittings。”
IwipedawaytearsthatwerestreamingdowI’mMartha。I’mrightherewithyou。”Itriedtoreassureher。
“No，notyou。”mymotheratleMartha。”
Fearsofabaa，envelopedusaswetriedtoadjusttomyfather’ssuddenincapacity。
Thecallhadethenightbefore。Myfatherhadfallenandbrokenhiship;aoreplacethehipjointwasscheduledforthem。Afriendwasstayingwithmymht。“I’lleassoonasItheearlymplane。”Ipromised。
Mymotherandfather，marriedforfifty-eightyears，hadneverhadaseriehoughmymotherhadbeeinglyfusediseveralmonths。“Andisyourmotherstillalive?”shehadaskedmeonmylastvisit，withasoterestintheyoungwomanshehadneverseenbefore。Now，withthedailyroutiedandthenearlytpanionshipofmyfatherremoved，herdisorientationwasmoresevere。
“ButI’mworriedaboutMartha。”mymaiurdownforlunch。“Imgoingouttolookforher。”
“ButI’mMartha。”Itriedagaihagrewupaome。”
“That’sridiothersaid。Shetuggedopedoor，wentouttothestreet，andstoodtensely。Lookingupanddowlegirlshewassureshehadseenjustthatm。。Thentothebackofthehouseandthroughthebacklottotheotherstreet。“I’mgoingtoaskthosepeopleoverthereifthey’veseeher，beinginglyfrantic，luraffidcrossthebusystreet。
&’sgohomeandcallthechurchoffice。”Ipleaded。“Maybesomeoherehelp。”
Onthewaybacktothehouse，mymothersaid，“It’sogoawaylikethatwithouttellingme。Ifoanote。”
Anote!Seeingawaytorelievemymitation，Iscribbledanoteassoohehouse，awhereitcouldbedisier。“Mama，”itsaid，“IhavegoaywithMaryAnnforafeleasedon’tworry。I’mokay。Martha。”
“Look，”Isaid，“here’sadoesitsay?”Mymotherreaditaloudslowlyaelybeganto。
“Thankgoodness，”shesaid。“She’sallright。She’swithMaryAnn。”Withthetedowntofinishlundspeernoonathome。
Thatevenial，mymothertoldmyfatherthatMarthahadgoaywithMaryAnnforafewdaysbutthatshewasstillworriedabouther。Myfathersaid，“Don’tgolookingforaha。Wealreadyhaveohat’senough。”
&day，Martha’sabseillverymuother’smind。“Whatshebedoing?”shewondered。“She’snevergoneofflikethatwithitwithmeaheadoftime。Besides，IwaothehospitaltoseeDaddy。”
Iassuredmymotherthatherdaughterwouldesoon。“Besides，”Isaid，“Marthaisacleverlittlegirl。Shetakecareofherself。”
“SheneedsadressforSunday，”mymothersaid。
“It’sonlyThursday，”Ireplied。“Plentyoftime。”
“Wheredidyoulearntotakeoverakitlikethis?”mymotheraskedasIfixeddinight。“It’soeandstaywithme。Doyouhaveafamily?”Haviedasapanion，ifnotadaughter，Isettledintoaihmymother。
Fridaymwewenttothehairdresser，thechiropradthegrocerystore。IoverheardLyhehairdresser，saytomymother，“It’syhteretostaywithyou。”
“That’snotmydaughter。”mymotherfided，“shehasthesameshe’snotmydaughter。”Lynnelookedquicklyatmetoseeifshehadmisuoodoneofus，andIgaveheraruefulsmile。
Onthewayhomemymothersaid，“Lyyhter。”
“Youdon’tmind，doyou?”Iasked。
“No。”shesaid。
Itwasn’tuntilmybrotherSaturdaythatIwasreizedaspartofthefamily。“Bobwilltakethisbed，andyousleepinyouroldroom。”mymothersaidthatnight。Itfeltgoodtobelegitimateagain。