竞选州长 Running for Governor（第1页）
竞选州长Runningfovernor
马克·吐温MarkT>
&hsagoIwasnominatedfreatstateofaiL。woodfordandJohn7。Hoffman，oiehowfeltthatIhadoageehatwas—goodcharacter。Itwaseasytoseebytheifevertheyhadknoastoodimehadgolainthatieryearstheyhadbeiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes。ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyingiherewasamuddyuofdisfort&qu"thedeepsofmyhappihatwas—thehavingtohearmynamebainfamiliarwiththoseofsuchpeople。Igrewmoreaurbed。FinallyIwrotemygrait。Heranswercamequidsharp。Shesaid:Youhaveneverdohinginallyourlifetobeashamedof—theneers—lookatthemasortofcharactersMessrs。SmithandBlahenseeifytoloweryourselftotheirlevelaerapublivasswiththem。
Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleepasinight。But，afterall，Iotrecede。
Iwasfullyitted，andmustgoo。
AsIwaslookinglistlesslyoverthepapersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisparagraph，andImaytrulysayIneverwassodedbefore。
PERJURY。—Perhaps，nowthatMr。MarkTwaihepeopleasadidatefovernor，hewilldtoexplaiobevictedofperjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak，1863，theiofwhichperjurybeingtorobapoornativewidowandherhelplessfamilyofameagerplantainpatch，theironlystayandsupportiaion。
Mr。Twaiohimself，aswellastothegreatpeoplewhesheasks，toclearthismatterup。Willhedoit?
IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel，heartlesscharge!IneverhadseeneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn'tknoatakangaroo!Ididnotknowwhattodo。Iwasdhelpless。Iletthedayslipawaywithoutdoinganythingatall。Themthesamepaperhadhis—nothingmore:
SIGNIFIT。—Mr。Twain，itwillbeobserved，issuggestivelysilentabouttheaperjury。
[Mem。—Durihethispaperomeihanas"theiwain"。]
&he"Gazette"，withthis:
&OKNOW—Willthenewdidatefoofhisfellow-swhoaresufferingtovoteforhim!thelittleceofhis-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime，untilatlast，thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr。Twain'spersonorinhis"trunk"（neerherolledhistrapsipelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood，andsotarredaheredhim，androdehimonarail;andtheoleaveapermavatheplaceheusuallyothecamp。Willhedothis?
ythingbemoredeliberatelymalithat?ForIneverwasinMontanainmylife。
&hisjournalarilyspokeofmeas，"Twaia;]
Igottopiguppapersapprehensively—muewouldliftadesiredblawhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattles。
&hismetmyeye:
THELIEheswornaffidavitsofMichaelO'FlaheFivePoints，andMr。KitBurnsandMr。JoherStreet，itisestablishedthatMr。MarkTwain'svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofoura。Hoffman，washangedfhwayrobbery，isabrutalandgratuitousLIE，withoutashadowoffoundationinfact。Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeaoachievepoliticalsuccessastheattagofthedeadintheirgraves，aheirhohslahinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheiivesahedeceased，wearealmostdriventoiragedandinsultedpubliaryandunlawfulvehetraduo!Letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedce（thoughifpassionshouldgetthebetterofthepubliitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury，itisbuttooobviousthatnojuryvioishtheperpetratorsofthedeed）。
Theingeniousgseheeffeeoutofbedwithdespatight，andoutatthebackdooralso，whilethe&quedandinsultedpublic&quediway，breakingfurnitureandwindowsieousindignationastheydtakingoffsuchpropertyastheycouldtheyweIlaymyhandupontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedan'sgrandfather。More-Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimuptothatdayanddate。
[Iassing，thatthejouredfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas"Twain，theBody-S;]
&iclethatattractedmyattentionwasthefollowing:
&DIDATE。—Mr。MarkTastomakesuchablightihemass-meetingoftheInight，didn'te!Atelegramfromhisphysistatedthathehadbeenknobyarunawayteam，andhislegbrokenintwoplaces—suffererlyiagony，andsoforth，andsoforth，andalotmoreboshofthesamesort。AndtheIriedhardtosretchedsubterfuge，aheydidnotknoastherealreasonoftheabseheabaurewhomtheydeandard-bearer。AmaoreelintoMr。Twain'shotellastnightilyintoxi。ItistheimperativedutyoftheIoprovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself。Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmits。Thevoiceofthepeopledemandsio;WHOWASTHATMAN?"
Itwasielyincredible，foramoment，thatitwasreallymyledwiththisdisgracefulsuspi。Threelongyearshadpassedovermyheadsiastedale，beer，wineorliquororanykind。
[ItshowswhateffectthetimeswerehavingohatIsawmyself，tlydubbed"Mr。DeliriumTremensTwain"iissueofthatjournalang—notwithstandiwithmonotohepaperwouldgoongmesototheveryend。]
Bythistimeanoersweregettingtobeanimportantpartofmymailmatter。Thisformwason:
Howaboutthatoldwomanyoukiiseswhichwasbeing?
POL。PRY。
Andthis:
&hingswhichyouhavedonewhibeknowntoanybodybutme。Youbettertrotoutafewdots，toyourstruly，oryou'llhearthroughthepapersfrom。
HANDYANDY。
Thisisabouttheidea。Itihereaderwassurfeited，ifdesirable。
ShortlytheprincipalRepublial"vieofwholesalebribery，andtheleadiicpaper";anaggravatedailingtome。
[InthiswayIacquiredtwoadditio;Twaihyist"and"TwaihsomeEmbracer"。]
Bythistimetherehadgrowntobesuchaclamorforan"aoallthedreadfulchargesthatwerelaidtomethattheeditorsandleadersofmypartysaiditwouldbepolitiformetoremaianylonger。Asiftomaketheirappealthemoreimperative，thefolloearedihepaperstheveryday: