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余温十五751(第1页)

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余温(十五)腊月二十三,小年。空气里开始浮动起若有若无的年节气息,小区里偶尔响起零星的炮仗声,超市循环播放着热闹的拜年歌曲。林秀芬提着刚买的年货走在回家的路上,脚步比往年此时要沉稳许多。手机在衣兜里震动,是儿子陈磊发来的视频请求。她走到路边避风处,接通。“妈,小年快乐!在哪儿呢?”屏幕里的陈磊穿着衬衫,背景是整洁的办公室,南方的冬日阳光透过百叶窗落在他身上。“刚买了点东西,正往家走。”她把镜头转向手里的购物袋,“买了些糯米粉,想着自己试试做点汤圆。”“您还会做汤圆?”陈磊有些惊讶。“看着教程学呗。”她语气平静,带着点尝试的兴致,“总得试试。”回到家,她洗净手,真的在厨房里忙活开来。糯米粉用温水调和,豆沙馅是现成的。过程并不顺利,水多了加面,面干了添水,手上、脸上都沾了白扑扑的粉。她想起很多很多年前,和母亲一起做汤圆的情景,又想起建国在时,总是他去买现成的,或者去老字号排队,说麻烦,不让她动手。当第一批歪歪扭扭、大小不一的汤圆在沸水里沉沉浮浮,最终膨胀、变得圆润洁白时,她用漏勺小心地捞起两个,盛进小碗里。吹着热气咬开,软糯的外皮,甜香的豆沙馅在口中化开。味道不算顶好,皮有点厚,但这是她亲手做的。她拍下那碗卖相并不完美的汤圆,发给了儿子。“妈!厉害了啊!看着就好吃!”陈磊很快回复,附带一个大拇指。晚上,她整理着家里的卫生,准备迎接新年。擦拭到书房书架顶层时,她犹豫了一下,还是搬来椅子,将建国那两本笔记本取了下来。封面上已经落了薄灰。她用手帕仔细拂去灰尘,却没有翻开。她只是将它们并排放在书桌显眼的位置,像安置两位老朋友。她不再需要频繁地从里面汲取勇气或温习悲伤。它们就在那里,是她生命的一部分,沉甸甸的,却不再压得她喘不过气。年二十八,社区组织了一个小型的“新春茶话会”,邀请一些独居老人和热心居民参加。林秀芬本不打算去,但张姨特意来电话邀她:“秀芬,一起去坐坐吧,就当陪陪我。”她最终还是去了。活动现场挂着红灯笼,摆着瓜果点心,气氛热闹。她找了个角落坐下,安静地听着大家聊天。居委主任讲话,感谢大家一年的支持;然后是一些简单的游戏,击鼓传花,拿到花的人要表演个小节目。花球意外地传到了林秀芬手里。鼓声停,众人都看向她。她有一瞬间的慌乱,下意识想推辞。“林老师来一个!听说您合唱团唱得可好了!”不知谁喊了一句。张姨也在旁边鼓励地看着她。她站起身,走到中间空处。没有音乐,没有伴奏。她想了想,轻声唱起了合唱团练过很多次的那首《故乡的云》。没有舞台上的磅礴,只是清唱,声音不高,却因为安静,每一个字都清晰地落在空气里:“天边飘过故乡的云,它不停地向我召唤……当身边的微风轻轻吹起,有个声音在对我呼唤……”她唱着,目光平静地掠过在场那些或熟悉或陌生的脸庞,掠过窗外渐沉的夜色和别家窗口温暖的灯火。当她唱到“那故乡的风,和故乡的云,为我抚平创伤”时,心里一片奇异的宁静。创伤还在,只是被时间包裹,沉淀成了身体里一块坚硬的、不再轻易触痛的骨骼。唱完了,现场安静了一瞬,随即响起真诚的掌声。她没有羞涩地立刻退回座位,而是微微鞠了一躬。茶话会结束,她和张姨几人一起走出来。寒风吹在脸上,却不觉得刺骨。“秀芬,唱得真好。”张姨挽着她的胳膊,“明年,咱们团还得一起唱。”“好。”她应着。回到那个依旧安静的家,她脱下外套,先去看了看阳台上的花。菊花早已开败,但根茎还在土里,等待着下一个春天。她给它们浇了点水。然后,她走到书桌前,看着那两本笔记本,看了很久。最后,她拉开抽屉,将它们小心地、端正地放了进去。不是封存,不是告别,只是一种安放。她知道,她随时可以打开它们,但不再需要时时刻刻依靠它们才能呼吸。她拿起手机,给儿子发了条信息:“快过年了,一切都好,勿念。你也要好好的。”窗外,夜色浓重,远处有零星的烟花升起,炸开,短暂地照亮一片夜空。屋内的灯光温暖而稳定。林秀芬站在客厅中央,环顾这个承载了她大半生悲欢的空间。这里,曾经充满了另一个人的气息,如今,更多的是她自己的痕迹——她修好的水龙头,她养的花,她拍的照片,她学会包的汤圆,她清唱的歌声。那缕名为“余温”的气息,终于彻底融入了她自己的体温里,不分彼此。前路依然漫长,但她知道,她可以独自走下去,带着所有过往的重量,也带着属于她自己的、微弱的、却未曾熄灭的光。(全文终):()荷叶闲客中短篇小说选集四

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